Holy Ghosts

GLEN AND GARY were at the mansion when, after breakfast, Kathleen called everyone into the large conference room for an emergency meeting. The home office had sent down a plan to help four trapped photons escape from a terrible underwater accident.

It seemed that four self-made scientists had been testing their experimental submarine at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Their submarine was illegal and completely unpermitted. They were attempting to invent a submarine that could evade detection so they could eventually sell the technology to the military. The vessel had no windows and only a small propeller for navigation. It had a single hatch on top, and with no way to see outside, they relied entirely on sonar signals emitted from the submarine.

When the submarine lost power, it sank helplessly to the ocean floor. It landed upside down, trapping the scientists inside the steel capsule. They quickly ran out of oxygen, and all four scientists expired. Even though they were scientists, all four were saved, born-again Christians and were supposed to go to Heaven. Unfortunately, their photons could not escape the heavily reinforced submarine and remained trapped at the bottom of the dark Pacific Ocean.

The assignment packet from the home office instructed the ghosts to travel to the submarine and cut a hole in it with a blowtorch. Kathleen asked for volunteers.

Glen and Gary immediately raised their hands.

“That’s great,” Kathleen said.

She headed to the printer to retrieve the mission instructions. A short while later, she found Glen relaxing beside the sparkling outdoor pool on a hot afternoon. Gary was nearby, making plans for the upcoming trip. Kathleen tossed a thick folder onto a nearby table. It landed with a heavy thud.

The packet was 175 pages long.

As Glen and Gary dried themselves off with towels, they both gave Kathleen puzzled looks.

“Y’all better get to reading,” Kathleen said. “I made two copies so each of you can have one. You probably ought to upload them into your Anything App so you can access them quickly if you need to.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Gary replied politely.

Fun note Gary was from Alabama. They are real polite there.

The two young men headed to Glen’s quad to study the assignment packet and familiarize themselves with the mission details. About halfway through the stack of paperwork, they decided to stop.

“I don’t think we can remember all this stuff,” Glen said. “Besides, these detail pages are always designed chronologically. Everything shows up in the order we’re supposed to do it.”

“Great idea,” Gary agreed. “And the first item says we need to go to Hawaii.”

“We can do that,” Glen said with a grin. “By the time we get there, we can catch an early luau and get a room for the night.”

Later that evening, as Glen and Gary left the luau, they noticed a cozy lounge located in the elegant hotel foyer. They visited Hawaii quite often and both had deep tropical tans from spending so much time there.

As they sat down and ordered a couple of glasses of after-dinner wine, two young women walked by and asked if they were single.

Both men answered no.

“That’s okay,” one of the girls said as they sat down. “Neither are we.”

The women introduced themselves as Linda and Sally and assured the two men that they were both in open marriages.

However, Sally was absolutely not in an open marriage.

The girls were extremely curious and wanted to know what Glen and Gary did for a living.

“We’re holy ghosts,” Glen said casually.

Gary nearly choked on his drink.

“How could you tell them that?” Gary whispered. “We’re not supposed to let humans know about us.”

Glen quickly motioned Gary into a brief under-the-table strategy meeting.

“Relax,” Glen whispered. “They won’t believe me. It’s like telling someone you work for the CIA or the FBI. They’ll act like they believe us, but they’ll just be playing along.”

Then he added, “Be careful, though. Sooner or later, one of them will pinch you really hard to make sure you’re not a ghost.”

Glen had told this story before, and he had definitely been pinched.

Both men chuckled and returned to the conversation.

Sally pointed at them suspiciously.

“Which one of you got me?” she asked. “You were under there picking which girl you wanted, weren’t you?”

The group ordered another round of drinks and made small talk.

“We’ve got to get up really early tomorrow,” Glen mentioned. “We’ve got an assignment.”

“What’s your assignment?” Linda asked.

“It’s top secret,” Gary replied. “I can’t tell you.”

Just then, Glen caught sight of a large, angry-looking man marching toward their table.

Sally immediately jumped up.

“Paul! You are not my husband! You’re just my boyfriend! We’re not married!”

Paul stomped directly up to Glen and pointed at him.

“You got my seat,” Paul growled.

“I’ve been sitting here all night,” Glen replied calmly.

Without warning, Paul took a hard swing at Glen.

Instantly, Glen and Gary raised their shields, turned invisible, and stepped out of the way.

Paul’s punch was thrown with so much anger and force that when it missed Glen entirely, the momentum spun him around. He lost his balance and crashed onto the floor.

Sally stared in shock. She slowly held out her arm to Linda, revealing a row of goosebumps.

“They really are ghosts,” she whispered.

Glen and Gary decided that was enough excitement for one evening. They hurried back to their room and enjoyed a good night’s sleep.

Tomorrow would be a very big day.

The next morning, Glen and Gary arrived at the first item on their to-do list.

With their shields activated, they traveled to Navy headquarters to print the paperwork needed to board a Navy dive ship. According to the documents, they would spend four weeks training aboard the vessel. They needed to learn basic scuba diving along with advanced underwater techniques so they could eventually perform deep-sea diving in a pressurized suit.

With paperwork in hand, they headed to the supply building to pick up their new uniform packs.

While nobody was looking, Glen quietly went shields up and helped himself to a set of captain’s bars.

“We may need a little extra rank to make things happen,” he said with a mischievous grin.

When walking up the steep metal stairs to board the massive Navy ship, they were stopped by a Chief Petty Officer. When they saluted him, they quickly learned they were not supposed to salute him. The Chief Petty Officer thought it was odd and strange. They showed him their paperwork, and he told them to go to Level 4.

“Your bunks will be in Section 17.”

“Wow,” Gary said. “These bunks are smaller than jail beds.”

Glenn looked puzzled and asked, “How would you know that?”

Gary told him, “My brother was in jail a few times, and I had to take him cash and cigarettes. He doesn’t smoke, but he can trade them for stuff.”

The enormous Navy ship left port the next day. They sailed for about a full day across the calm blue ocean. Gary checked the Anything App and said they were getting close to the sunken submarine.

They spent the night in their cramped bunks and, surprisingly, felt pretty good at 0600 the next morning. They headed to breakfast in the busy galley, as the sailors called it.

The first day, Glenn and Gary enjoyed the scuba training. They were going to a colorful coral reef deep beneath the ocean’s surface to test their oxygen levels and their new depth-finder watches. The view at the reef was breathtaking, with thousands of aquatic creatures swimming through the vibrant sea life.

They trained for about ten hours and had to rush to the surface several times. According to the experienced Naval trainer’s instructions, if they saw all the fish suddenly disappear, they were to return to the ship as quickly as possible. However, they had to carefully measure their ascent with their depth-finder watches to make sure they did not come up so fast that they would get the bends.

Gary asked one of the dive captains why they would evacuate to the boat when the fish left.

The captain replied, “That means a great white shark or an orca is nearby. The great white will bite your arm or leg off, but the orca will chew you up and spit out your oxygen tank.”

Two sailors came up too fast and were placed in the medical unit with a slight case of the bends.

They completed this training, along with many other demanding drills, for about two weeks. They had to go to the bottom and retrieve black boxes with no handles. They had to perform hand-to-hand combat on the ocean floor to retrieve an orange ring. They had to rescue one of their shipmates from the bottom of the sea. They also had to help a shipmate escape from a steel cage resting on the ocean floor while being timed on the dive and using only a pair of pliers.

Glenn and Gary both did exceptionally well in their scuba training, each scoring an efficient rating. Glenn quietly complained to Gary about such a lousy reward for two weeks of everything they had endured. Gary quietly agreed.

Monday morning, they would begin their deep-sea dive training.

With the weekend off, Glenn and Gary played cards, shuffleboard, and pool with the other crew members. Glenn had captain’s bars on, so he had to spend most of his time with the officers. He was not allowed to hang out with the enlisted men. Gary was extremely good at poker, but he intentionally let the other shipmates win some hands so he could stay on their good side. The same was true with pool. He would win some and lose some. Before long, everyone liked him very well.

Glenn followed the same strategy with the captains.

On the first day of training, they learned how to wear the dive gear properly. On the second day, they learned how to descend from the dive platform mounted on the side of the ship. The next day, they learned how to operate the small dive boats that would be used to reach their dive targets.

During the following days, Glenn and Gary learned how to lower and raise divers from the boats, how to retrieve an unconscious diver from the bottom of the sea, and all kinds of safety rules and regulations for diving into the deep blue ocean.

Once Glenn and Gary decided they were comfortable with their required skill set, they started making plans to steal a dive boat so they could travel to their secret location and use a blowtorch on the sunken submarine.

Several boats arrived for various training purposes. Some were equipped for blowtorch training, while others were used for deep-sea retrieval and rescue exercises.

Glenn went shields up so he could check which boats had the proper blowtorch equipment he and Gary needed. The boats were identical and numbered one through five. The regular dive boat was eventually returned to storage aboard the ship.

Glenn told Gary that they both had to be assigned to Boat Number Three or Boat Number Four. Those were the only boats carrying the blowtorches they needed.

After breakfast at 0600, all five dive boats were positioned about one mile apart. Glenn and Gary’s boat had two sailors aboard, so they would have to be sneaky to reach their dive site where the experimental submarine was located. It was only about a half mile away.

As Glenn, Gary, and their new friends relaxed aboard the boat, they grew a little bored because they could not begin their dives until the referee boat arrived for their skills test. The referee would explain the dive tests so they would know exactly which exercises to perform. If they passed, they would become certified divers.

Gary decided to distract the other two sailors with a card game while Glenn went shields up.

Glenn said he had to go to the restroom and might be a minute.

Gary told his buddies, “We’ll play five-card draw. If y’all have any money left, we’ll let Glenn have a go at it when he gets back.”

Glenn quickly moved to the other side of the boat and activated his shields. He then climbed back topside and performed a huge cannonball off the side of the craft.

Fun note: Glenn’s shield was up.

With Glenn’s shield activated, nobody could see him, but he was very much still there. Gary giggled to himself because he knew Glenn had done it on purpose just to get a rise out of their new buddies.

Glenn’s trick worked very well. Both sailors were startled, jumped to their feet, and stared as the rippling ocean water suddenly became calm. Both men asked, “What was that?” Gary replied, “Probably dolphins.”

Glenn quietly slipped around the back of the small boat and pulled up the anchor. Checking the Anything App to see where the wreckage of the experimental submarine was located, he carefully began pushing the vessel toward the site. He moved slowly so he would not alert the crew to the boat’s slight drift. Soon, the boat was directly over the crash site, allowing him to descend and complete his assignment. Satisfied, Glenn returned and joined the poker game.

As usual, Gary let his buddies win a few hands, although more than usual this time. The four men played cards for about another hour before one of their friends, Stanley, began putting on the heavy deep-sea diving gear. Glenn stopped him and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Suiting up, sir,” Stanley replied.

Glenn said, “Gary and I are going to be on the dive today. You’re handling the oxygen, and Randy will be driving the boat.”

Stanley frowned and said, “Sir, with all due respect, I have orders to do my final dive test today.”

“I outrank you,” Glenn replied. “I’m giving you an order. Go operate the oxygen tanks.”

With that, Glenn and Gary started suiting up. By the time the referee arrived, both divers were ready.

The referee was in a foul mood that day. He had been passed over for promotion once again, something that seemed to happen far too often. Being a little older than the rest of the crew, he was simply having a bad day. As he stepped aboard the boat, he loudly shouted, “Let me see Stanley and Gary, front and center!”

Glenn and Gary, already dressed in their dive gear, stepped forward. Stanley did as well. The dive supervisor glared at the group and angrily demanded, “What in the name of space am I looking at?”

Stanley quickly explained what Glenn had ordered him to do. You can imagine what happened next. As Glenn, Gary, and Stanley removed all of Glenn’s diving gear, the dive supervisor began cussing and did not stop cussing until every piece of equipment had been properly placed on Stanley, right down to the dive watch.

The dive supervisor then tossed two steel tie rods over the side of the boat. Attached to each rod was a metal box. The exercise required both divers to race to the bottom of the ocean, cut the boxes loose with their acetylene torches, and bring them back to the surface. Their times would determine how well they performed.

As Stanley and Gary landed on the sandy ocean floor, Gary checked the Anything App to locate the submarine. It was about twenty yards north of their dive location. He sent Glenn a text message asking for more slack in his dive rigging so he could walk to the crash site and cut a hole into the damaged submarine.

Gary loved how light the dive suit felt. It reminded him of how astronauts must feel while walking across the moon. It was a wonderful feeling. As he completed the hole in the submarine’s hull, there was a loud pop, and the sea suddenly filled with thousands of rushing bubbles.

Just then, Gary saw four of the brightest lights he had ever seen burst through the opening and shoot upward toward heaven. Deep in his heart, Gary knew those lights were four lucky photons.

The massive stream of bubbles quickly reached the surface, and the crew became concerned that something had gone wrong with the divers. The dive supervisor immediately began shouting orders.

“Abort mission! Abort mission! Divers up! Divers topside now!”

As Stanley and Gary were brought back to the surface, only Stanley had returned with his black box. After confirming that both divers were safe, the sergeant looked at Gary and said, “You’re going to do that again, and you’re going to do it right this time.”

As Gary was lowered from the dive platform for another attempt, Glenn ordered Stanley to operate the oxygen lines and casually announced that he was heading to the head for a few minutes. Instead, Glenn secretly slipped to the opposite side of the boat with his shields up.

While the dive supervisor carefully watched Gary’s dive lines, Glenn performed another enormous cannonball dive from the roof of the boat. The splash was so huge that it startled the dive supervisor and knocked him into the ocean. Several crew members immediately jumped in and helped him climb back onto the dive platform.

After discussing what had happened, the crew agreed that the splash must have been caused by an orca. Concerned about Gary’s safety, they decided to bring him up early. They radioed him and ordered him to return to topside.

Gary answered, “No, give me five more minutes.”

Gary quickly cut his box loose and gave the diver return signal. As he was being hoisted toward the surface, Glenn dove down, still invisible, and grabbed Gary’s foot.

Gary was terrified. In the dark water, he thought some kind of shark had him. He could not see what was holding him, only feel a powerful grip around his foot. After enjoying the prank for a few moments, Glenn released him and quickly returned to the boat.

Once Gary reached the surface and handed the box to the referee, he was awarded his certificate of completion for the dive training. With all four scientists and their photons safely tucked away in heaven, Glenn and Gary decided to remain in beautiful Hawaii for a couple more days before heading back to the island.

They enjoyed another colorful luau for dinner and spent the evening watching a new play at the local theater. The next morning, they met the pilot at the airport and flew home in the small red airplane.

As Gary retold his diving adventure to the pilot, Glenn laughed so hard he could barely contain himself. Gary said, “I thought it was a tiger shark or a reef shark. If it had been a great white or an orca, it would have taken my whole leg off.”

As Gary was telling his story, Glenn grabbed Gary’s foot right at the ankle, just the same way he had done in the deep ocean. They both had a good laugh, and Gary asked the pilot, “What’s new with you?”

The cheerful pilot happily regaled his buddies with one of his tales about flying around a small hurricane during a dangerous mission. His stories were always entertaining.